What I wish I knew before starting IVF (5 years ago)

The things no one tells you… but can genuinely change everything

If I could go back when I started IVF five years ago, there are so many things I would do differently.

Not to overwhelm myself or to add pressure, but to give me context and more clarity. IVF can feel like you’re constantly trying to do everything “right” in a process that often feels anything but linear. So this is what I wish I knew…

Everyone has a story (but it’s not yours)

When you start fertility treatment, you suddenly become surrounded by stories.

Someone’s cousin who “fell pregnant after acupuncture and Brazil nuts.”

A friend who “only needed one round/one transfer.

Or someone on Instagram who shared that “10+ rounds of IVF didn’t work at all”.

Whilst these stories come from a good place, they can create extra pressure - and comparison.

But fertility is not linear and it’s never one-size-fits-all.

What works beautifully for one person may not be appropriate for another, because underlying biology, diagnosis, age, inflammation, genetics, and even stress physiology all differ.

👉 Your job is not to replicate someone else’s outcome!

👉 Your job is to understand your own context and get the right support for you.

Protecting your headspace is not optional - it’s foundational.

Nobody truly gets it (unless they’ve lived it)

IVF is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t been through it.

Not just the appointments or injections, but the emotional load that sits underneath everything.

The waiting.The uncertainty.The hyper-awareness of your body.The constant “what ifs”.

And while people around you may try to understand, there’s a difference between empathy and lived experience.

This is why support matters more than most people realise - feeling understood can genuinely change how you experience the process.

That might look like:

• One person who really checks in

• Online communities where you don’t have to explain yourself

• Spaces like https://fertilityaction.org/ where you feel seen without judgement

Nutrition and lifestyle are not “wellness extras”

This is where things often get oversimplified.

Nutrition and lifestyle are not about perfection or restriction.They are about creating physiological conditions that support reproduction.

We know from reproductive research that factors such as:

• Blood glucose regulation

• Micronutrient status (iron, vitamin D, folate, omega-3)

• Antioxidant intake

• Sleep quality

• Stress physiology

  
  

All play a role in egg quality, sperm health, and implantation environment. This isn’t about doing everything at once - It’s about consistency over intensity.

Small, repeated inputs over time can meaningfully influence the internal environment your body is working with.

Your clinic and consultant matter more than you think

One of the most underestimated parts of IVF is the variability between clinics and it’s something I’ve seen over the last 6 years working in this field with hundreds of individuals going through fertility treatments.

Your clinic, protocol and consultant’s approach can significantly influence your experience.

A good clinic will:

• Individualise protocols rather than apply standardised approaches

• Consider your history, not just your test results

• Support embryo development with strong lab practice

• Offer appropriate testing and options when needed

  
  

This isn’t about finding the “perfect” clinic or one that works for your friend, it’s about finding one that sees you as an individual, not a one-size fits all fits all protocol. Within this, you should also feel able and comfrotable to ask questions, and advocate for yourself, is a key part of this process.

PGT-A is worth a considered conversation (especially 35+)

If you are over 35, PGT-A testing is something worth understanding properly, not fearing.

In simple terms, PGT-A can:

• Assess chromosomal status of embryos

• Help prioritise embryos with higher implantation potential

• Potentially reduce time to pregnancy in some cases

• Reduce miscarriage risk in specific contexts

  
  

Importantly, our understanding of embryos is evolving.

We now know that some embryos previously labelled as “abnormal” or mosaic may still result in healthy live births, depending on context and lab interpretation.

This is not about certainty though as PGT-A does not increase live birth rates (hence why it is not rated favourably by the HFEA) but it is about informed decision-making. If I had my time again, I would have chosen to genetically test my embryos when I had my first egg collection at 37. 

Your overall health is part of the picture

IVF does not exist separately from your general health - fertility health is about your overall health. With this, your symptoms are not random. They are signals.

Things like:

• Digestive issues

• Disrupted sleep

• Painful or heavy periods

• Hormonal acne

• Chronic fatigue

• Pelvic pain

• Testicular pain

• Recurrent infections

can all indicate underlying imbalances that may influence reproductive health. This isn’t about pathologising every symptom though, it’s about not dismissing them. 

Test, don’t guess

One of the most empowering shifts you can make is moving from assumption to information.

“Everything is normal” is sometimes reassuring - but it is rarely complete.

Targeted testing can include:

• Hormonal panels (timed correctly in cycle)

• Nutrient status (iron, vitamin D, B12, folate)

• Thyroid function and antibodies

• Sperm parameters and DNA fragmentation

• Gut health markers where appropriate

• Genetic testing for further personalisation 

  
  

The goal isn’t more testing for the sake of it though, it’s about providing clarity because more information leads to better decisions.

You can’t put your life on hold

This is the one that took me the longest to learn. IVF can become all-consuming if you let it but your life is still happening alongside it and you don’t need to feel like you are putting everything on hold.

Remember that you are still allowed:

• The holiday

• The date night

• The normal routines

• The joy that exists outside of treatment

• The hobbies

• Exercise regime 

  
  

These things don’t delay your progress. If anything, they support your nervous system, your resilience, and your ability to stay grounded through uncertainty.

A Reminder 

IVF is one of the most emotionally and physically complex things you can go through, but you don’t have to go through it blindly.

There is space for:

• Evidence

• Individualisation

• Emotional support

• And self-trust

  
  

If you’re at the start of this journey, I hope this gives you a little more clarity and a little less noise. Remember, that you are not behind or doing it wrong and you are not alone in it.

Jen X